Lemmi Mia

Oh Wow!! It has been almost 2 whole months since I last posted..
to fill in...
gained like 15 lbs...at 145..
skating more that ever, so atleast my weight is mostly of muscle..
..i swear.. ;)

The whole Dan Kate situation is done with,
I OFFICIALLY hate kate.
she is soo pathetic, jealous, and insecure..
and dont forget infantile!! :)

Dan doesnt talk to me anymore.
he ignores my calls..
but im used to it now..
i used to call every night,
with the hope that maybe he would pick up,
BY SOME STRANGE CHANCE,
but he hasnt ever..

mike and i are fine,
he got on my nerves for a while
but today is his birthday
and things are, funny-enough,
starting to look up.

mom and i are closer than ever,
dad needs his other hip replaced,
mom works more now that i drive to skating,
EVERYDAY,
so eating less is "a-go!"

brother is past freaking annoying freshman phase,
now into im cool sophmore phase,
but ill take the sofmore over a freshman,
ANYDAY!

Skating is fantastic!
new coach is incredible,
nearly undescribeable,
im competing at end of january.
"Keystone State games"
If i win i go to skate in SAN DIEGO, CA in 2011!

Emmy, bff, is sick today,
but still amazing and super!
we joined our small local town ski club,
funny-enough i snowboard.

My exboyfriend is now one of my best friends,
next to emmy, its Chris, exbf. :)
He's amazing!

Im getting a texting plan on my cell-e
for christmas,
so we can all keep eachother strong
and willed!!
I'm so excited!!

Well im sorry this was soo long
but really it was just a catch up
on everything.

i'll be posting everyday again!
promise! :)
I'm here for everyone
so, no joke, if you need to talk
ANYTIME!!!,...just email me,
JRSpangler26@aol.com

Talk later chickes!! <3
get thin.

Listen,

I have several best friends. Emily and Kate for sure, and Dan, well, with Dan I just don't know how he thinks of me. Dan is dating Kate, as all would know and Emily goes to a different school. Dan and I have been 'best friends' for 3 years this winter. He started dating Kate last summer. They knew each other for little than a few weeks before they started dating. We, Dan and I, were both aquainted with Kate the 1st day of band camp. She seemed pretty neat and I was excited to get to know her.

From what she has told me, she was excited to befriend me as well, but she also knew she had to be close to me to get close to dan. Dan and I were the closest we had ever been that year prior to band camp. That was soon to change.

One night after band camp, Dave, a close friend in band, held a party. Early into the party, Dan and I went on a long, deep conversational walkabout. We talked about where we wanted our life to start heading and how we wanted to spend our future years. He knew more about me than anyone else in the entire world; he even knew more than Emily. We just walked, holding hands, no more than best friends, looking into our future together and enjoying the calming, warm summer evening. It began to get dimmer out, so we started back to Dave's House, but we weren't ready just yet to go back to the party; we were enjoying our peaceful time alone without the chaotic party crowd. So we sat down, just feet from being seen by the party.

We just admired how fantastic our life was playing out with eachother. We were the closest best friends in existance. We then decided it was time to go back to the party. I had to leave early, but later than night, after I left, Dan and Kate began dating.

Every autumn, i get the same feelings about my body. DISGUST! (Worse than ever)

I tried to get fit and healthy for a little while but i knew that it was just a phase that would eventually pass..and it did. And now that regionals is over and i dont HAVE to be tough and strong ALL the time..i can diet.

I stocked up on my laxatives a couple weeks ago because i knew that i would start dieting again. I also have perscription ibuprophen for "my ankle", but really i just take it to get myself through the day. Also i have a couple friends that know i take pills and they owe me. JUST SO EVERYONE IS CLEAR:: i'm not proud of or condone taking pain pills if you dont NEED them..

None of my friends know that i started a diet yet, but i mean its only been 1 day...and of course their not going to find out unless i look thin..which i dont. and mike, my bf, still doesnt even know about my fasting and purging.

I'm pumped to diet again. It's going to be fun. If anyone wants to join me. You are more than welcome!! THE MORE THE MERRIER!! :)

<3 Thin

I'm back from Maryland. I tied for 7th out of 12 at my figure skating competition in Rockville, Maryland. I had an excellent time. I did eat horribly, but i at least had it set in my mind that no matter what i was starting the ABC on Monday. And so far, so good. I had a capachino - 120cal with soy milk.
I had 1/4 cup almonds - 170 cal
and now, black coffee - 5cal.
------------------------------
Total: 295 (Rounded 300)

I need to be under 500 but i think im more trying to be under 400 to get the hang of self comtrol again. :P Im just trying to make everything as simple as possible.

wuff. this sucks. binging. competing this saturday. cross country today and thursday. waiting for my dress to get in. my nerves are going crazy. :P need to diet a.s.a.p...

"Having hatred, anger or resentment toward someone is like drinking poison and hoping it will kill your enemy."

Wuff.
lost my skating coach.
can't qualify for regionals.
:P
Binged yesturday because of all this crap going on.
fut.

Sorry i haven't posted in a week. ive been really really busy with band camp, competing, and cleaning. for some reason ive been OCDing non stop for the past week. i cleaned my room to the point of washing my carpet. i clean the kitchen every day after band camp along with the living room.

ive been binging and purging for the past week. it kinda sucks. but w/e. im really only binging on water fruits and veggies. on occassion ill break to the processed foods...but yesturday and today ive been solid with picking on fruits and veggies. no processed foods or breads. ive been drinking a little bit of coffee, diet tea, and lots and lots of water. soo in all honesty...im fairly proud with my self control.

I need to lose 15 more lbs by aug. 31.
and 30 lbs by october 9th.

I really think that i can do it. actually i know i can do it. hope all is well with everyone. again, if anyone needs someone to vent to or talk to, im here. just email me. <3

jrspangler26@aol.com

think thin lovelies. we all need to be thin to live. :)

I want to kill myself.
I hate myself.
I just want to die.
I never want to eat again.
Fut.

well.
i test tomorrow.
i feel confident
and thin.
im ready
to be judged.
still pulling strong.
5th day of fast.
going excelent!
lost 15lbs
of water weight
and fat.
:)
A little nervous
to test, but
just wish me luck.
<3 think thin.
cheers!
Jene

Today i got up at 5a to get to the ice rink and ON the ice (ready and warmed up) by 7:15 because i had a lesson with my coach, Jan. Of course, seeing as how excited i am that band camp is starting, i was like a little kid laying in bed too anxious to sleep last nite. so i didnt fall asleep until about 11p.

Soo back to my story, i was tired at the rink. A little too tired to be cooperative with my coach. I went to skate through my 'test program' that i will be testing this saturday. (it HAS to be nearly perfect to pass) so seeing as i was tired i had a horrible couple run throughs. And with that, my coach said,

"If you can't solidly skate through this program by thursday, im going to pull you out of the test. i don't want to be embarrased by you failing.."

:( BUT I REALLY NEED TO TEST!!!

Yesterday i broke away from by binge. it was a good 'welcome back to fasting' day. :) I have band camp in 2 days.

I need to be thin. I HAVE to be thin. I dont feel like eating today. Soo super fast today.

i had:
1/2cup acai berry juice
60.5 cal

that's it!! :)
and thats all i should be having for a looonnnggg time.
last night i purged. i didnt even really binge. i just purged, which reminded me why i started bulimia in the first place. it feels soo good when your empty. you dont even really have to eat that much. I feel soo strong and in control when i can purge. i love it.
But the catch is that i was on the phone with my boyfriend when i had the impulse so i said, "hold on" waltzed into the bathroom, purged, then came back in a super-mellow mood.
Mike asked me what was wrong because i was all "happy, hyper, loud, and loveable" and now i was just "loveable."

I swore to myself not to tell him about my ED. what am i supposed to say to him when we are out eating and i go purge and come back like that. he was soo worried and he had no idea what possibly could be going on.

WHAT SHOULD I DO?
<3 Thin
Jene

Well, I weigh 140 after 2 days of full binging. But I started drinking acai berry juice and its like a natural laxative. It really IS cleaning all the crap i ate in the past 2 days out of me. which is good.

I have a skating test this saturday, and i want to be healthy and thin. So im just drinking the acai berry juice for breakfast. have salads at dinner. and make light healthy soups for lunch, and stop eating all together between the hours of 6pm and 6am.

Small meals, every couple hours speeds up the metabolism and with the acai berry ill lose even more weight..then i have band camp starting this wednesday. sadly i didnt reach my GW for band camp but im quickly getting there. no joke.

*sigh* We can do this, we CAN get thin. Its what we WANT.
Get thin.
<3 Jene

I woke up this morning, slept in and missed ice time for skating, walked into the kitchen and had about 3 cups of wheat rice. The whole time as my body was truely reluctant to eating, my mind gave up fighting.
I honestly was thinking, "Well, there is no point in trying to fast today because come 9pm ill just walk up to the kitchen and start a 30 minute binge that'll make me fatter than earlier."

I need thinspo and help. Please help me.
<3

i seriously feel like shit right now. i feel so ready to just slice open my arms. i binged today, and for some reason its just soo unbearable. uh. yesterday emily was over and spent the night..so i went to bed at about 12am then had to get up for skating at 6. i skated until 10:45 today. Then went to a friends party until 9. i ate the whole time and i really feel just like purging until the nights over but of course i can't do that with family and friends in the house.

i really just need to cut right now. but i can't talk to anyone about it. i feel bad because mike, my boyfriend, dropped me off at my house tonight and asked if i was going to be alright, him not knowing about my ED or cutting, and all i could say is, "ill try not to cut too deep."

i just want to die.

No eating.
No eating.
No eating.

I've probably said that 5 million times to myself within the past 2 days. I started a 0cal fast with a friend and, I'm not gunna lie, it was really really difficult to avoid eating. BUT I did it and I am very happy that I did. I woke up this morning feeling fresh and empty. And it was lovely. So with that scrumptious wake up, I had to urge to kill such an awesome day, so I still haven't eaten. :)

cheers!
<3 Jene

I not going to eat unless my family makes me until the end of band camp. (which will probably for dinner). They don't care about breakfast because i go skating before my mum is even awake and after my dad leaves for work. and they just flat out dont care about lunch because even my ED nazi mother doesnt eat lunch sometimes.

Mike will think im totally lovely when im 115 by the end of september. I really need your guys support to get me through these next 2 months. Well, really the next year. i want to be lovely for my senior year and i will NEED you guys.

And i really dont want to get caught by any means this year by my mum.

cheers. help. get thin.
jene <3

well, although i kept within the my cal intake...

im awkwardly spacey and mellowish-upset..

i think its because im still fat...

even though i just started the ABC diet and running strong soo far..

i just feel weird keeping my dieting from my boyfriend..

he loves me soo much and tells me im lovely and thin..

but i just can't believe him because of my ED and i just want to cry on his shoulder..

i just think though that its too early in our relationship for me to tell him...

and i know that he's not the kind of person to keep me from dieting..

but i think he'll just be appaulled by it..

and i'm afraid to lose him..

he's the best thing ive had happen to me..

i love him..

but i can't stop dieting because its such a great feeling to lose weight..

its an addiction..

that i dont want to ever stop..

*sigh*

So far im feeling really good. still big but feeling good.

1 cup coffee-30
1 egg -70
1 salad -35
1 capachino -60
----------------
total -195

oh wow, im so excited! ill post later tonight.

cheers. <3

I only had a cup of a slushie!!

and i'm done for the day.

oh wow..that was surprisingly easy..

be back tomarrow.

stay thin. <3

It's day 2 for me of the ABC and i did ok yesturday but not fantastic..

So far today.

Salad: 100
Coffee: 60
Fish taco: 100

well. i ate...

1 (12 grain) toast - 90
1 pasta shell - 120
1 egg - 70
1 shredded wheat - 80
1/2 cup soy milk - 45
1 cup coffee - 10
1 tbs creamer - 10
-----
- 415 cal

1st day of abc diet!!

complete!! yeh!

PEOPLE -
[ ] ask if I’m bulimic
[ ] call me fat
[x] say I’m skinny
[ ] say I’m ugly
[x] say I’m pretty
[x] spread rumors about me
[x] force me to eat
[ ] say I eat too much
[x] wish I’d eat more
[x] don't know I'm anorexic/bulimic


I WISH -
[x] I was THIN
[x] I had a better body
[x] I didn't have to eat
[x] I could control myself
[x] I was under 100 lbs
[x] I could avoid food
[x] I could hide what I am
[x] I wasn’t fat
[x] I was pretty
[ ] I could stop being ana/mia

I LOVE -
[x] feeling hungry
[x] seeing a difference when fasting
[x] shaking
[x] being weak
[x] losing weight
[ ] being anorexic/bulimic
[ ] green tea
[x] diet pills
[x] being able to turn down food
[x] feeling good about myself

APPEARANCE
[ ] I am shorter than 5'4.
[x] I think I'm ugly sometimes.
[x] I have many scars.
[x] I tan easily.
[x] I wish my hair was a different color.
[ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[ ] I have a tattoo.
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[x] I have/had braces.
[x] I wear glasses.
[x] I would get plastic surgery
[x] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
[x] I have more than 2 piercings.
[ ] I have piercings in places besides my ears.
[x] I have freckles.


FAMILY
[x] I've sworn at my parents.
[ ] I've run away from home.
[ ] I've been kicked out of the house.
[x] My biological parents are together.
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[x] I want to have kids someday.
[ ] I've had children.
[ ] I've lost a child.

EMBARRASSMENT
[x] I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation.
[x] Disney movies still make me cry.
[x] I've peed from laughing.
[x] I've snorted while laughing.
[x] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[x] I've glued my hand to something
[x] I've laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
[x] I've had my trousers rip in public.

RELATIONSHIPS
[ ] I'm single
[x] I'm in a relationship.
[ ] I'm engaged.
[ ] I'm married.
[ ] I've gone on a blind date.
[ ] I've been the dumpee more than the dumper.
[x] I miss someone right now.
[x] I have a fear of abandonment.
[ ] I've cheated in a relationship.
[ ] I've gotten divorced
[x] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[x] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
[ ] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
[x] I've kept something from a past relationship.

SEXUALITY
[x] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[x] I've had a crush on a teacher.
[x] I am a cuddler.
[x] I've been kissed in the rain.
[x] I've hugged a stranger.
[x] I have kissed a stranger.

HONESTY
[x] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't
[x] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
[ ] I've snuck out of my house.
[x] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world
[x] I've cheated while playing a game.
[x] I've cheated on a test.
[ ] I've been suspended from school.

BAD TIMES
[x] I've consumed alcohol.
[ ] I regularly drink.
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[x] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time
[ ] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
[x] I shut others out when I'm upset.
[x] take anti-depressants.
[x] I'm anorexic or bulimic or have EDNOS.
[x] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it.
[x] I've hurt myself on purpose.
[x] I'm addicted to self harm.
[x] I've woken up crying
[x] I've lost weight
[x] I've gained weight
[x] My weight holds me back
[x] Weight consumes me.
[ ] I'm at my thinnest
[x]I'm at my biggest
[ ] I've lost weight and kept it off
[x] I've lost weight but gained it back
[x] My weight affects my mood
[x] I weigh myself daily
[x] I am jealous of everyone smaller than me
[x] I thrive on compliments
[x] I feel bigger than people who are my size
[x] I feel happy when I'm hungry
[x] I get depressed after I eat - if i ate too much or something unhealthy
[x] I've skipped a meal
[x] I've thrown food away
[x] I've spit food out
[x] I've fasted
[x]I've taken diet pills
[x]i've used laxatives
[x] I've purged

HAVE/HAD
[x] Bulimia
[x] Anorexia
[x] Ednos
[ ] Orthorexia
[x] Over-exercising
[x] Binge eating

[x] I exercise
[x] I exercise so I can eat
[x] I work out secretly
[x] I work out daily
[x] I exercise to counteract eating
[x] I've fainted from exhaustion

I've done:
[ ] Weed
[ ] Cigarettes
[x] Alcohol
[x] Diet pills
[x] Pain killers
[x] Anti-depressants
[ ] Ecstasy
[ ] LSD
[ ] Mushrooms
[ ] Speed
[ ] Cocaine
[ ] Herion
[ ] Other

[x] I keep my eating habits a secret
[x] I have a ED blog
[x] I look at thinspo
[x] I collect thinspo
[x] I condone pro-ana/mia sites
[x] I count calories
[x] I've had negative intake days
[x] I avoid food
[x] I hate food
[ ] I love food

[ ] I want to be this way
[x] I don't want to be like this
[x] I wish I could have more control
[One of] Being thin is my top priority
[when im thin enough] I don't want to get better
[] I am in treatment

[x] I'm doing this for me
[ ] I'm doing this for someone
[x] I'm doing this to prove that i have control.

Im starting the ABC today. I actually really excited and feel like itll really do wonders for me. if anyone else wants to join the ABC today with me feel free!!

Ill be in later tonite to post my cal count.

Im gunna ABC monday and water binge tomorrow...

hey. guys, im getting bigger and bigger everyday. for a while i thought that things were going well but im afraid to eat again. i dont feel like throwing up anymore but i dont feel like eating. my mum is making me go to a college nearby so that she can keep up with physical updates and make sure that im not losing any weight.

right now my friend, scott, and best friend, em, and my brother are all in the living room right now with me...them all being quite thinner than me. i feel soo huge. i need someone to diet with. i need to lose weight. im afraid that if i gain weight then my boyfriend will break up with me even though over and over again he tells me how lovely i am and how "thin" i am but i cant believe him.

right now i feel like i could just break down and start cutting and starving again. i have no privacy in my house. my mum raids my room looks for blades laxatives and journals now....im better off living in a bathroom.

i just want to cut. i dont want to eat. the only thing thats keep me living straight here right now is the fact that i have a b/f that loves me unconditionally, even though i dont think im small, thin, or any of the above, and gives me kisses good night...

guys, i need someone to water binge with me for 2 days straight.

just 2 days. i need to sort my f***ing life out right now. PLEASE HELP....

-Lem

well. although i havent posted in a while, ive been holding up kinda fine. i went in-and-out of bulimia and dieting through the past 4 and 1/2 month. i got a new boyfriend, Mike. I love him very much and its been kinda easy avoiding eating out and the subject of eating. My weight's back up to 145 but its most muscle for skating. For now, im just laying low and picking at my food, losing weight, and eating small portions. I found out im lactose-intolerant. well, thats my 5 minute update. ill post later today or tom. got to go skating. <3
later cats,
Lem

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qidqziXoxDk

So instead of trying to starve myself and end up binging or binging and not being able to purge, I'm eating 6 small (under 100 cals) meals a day. I've lost weight this way before but, honestly, i think bulimia is more fun. I feel better after a good purge. :)

Meals:
6am - 1cup coffee 8cal 6am Total: About 55cal
- 3tbs non-dairy creamer 30cal
- 1tbs splenda 0cal
- 1tbs benefiber 15cal
9am - 1/2 rice cake 25cal 9am Total: 25cal
(cinnamon apple)
12am - 1cup Pineapple chunks 74cal 12am Total: About 75cal
3pm - 1/4cup Almonds 130cal 3pm Total: 130cal
(good fat b4 skating)
6pm - 1cup peach yogurt 80cal 6pm Total: 80cal
9pm - 1cup smoothie 70cal 9pm Total: 70cal
- 1/4cup mixed fruit 70cal
(pineapple, mango,
peach, strawberry)
- 3/4cup water 0cal
- 1tbs splenda 0cal Day Total: 435cal

Hi. Im sorry that i havent posted in a while, but do i have a story to tell you.

Drama, Drama, Drama:
So my aunt takes me and my brother to NYC for a random weekend vacation. Well also, my dad got his hip replaced and she came up from florida to help my mum. But anyways, after we get back from NY, i have to go to school on that following tuesday, i cant remember why i had school off on monday, but i did. Anyways, while i was at school on tuesday, she thought it would be cool to CLEAN MY ROOM!! (I'm a slob, but not a dirty slob, just i dont feel a need to pick up my clothes up off the floor.) She found 1/2 of my laxatives (the rest were in my purse), She found last years journal that i had hidden in my closet...AND SHE READ IT!!!!! And she took all of my razorblades and scale. What a tit! gd.

So of course my mum freaked out on me and hid all my stuff, of course, including my journal. But the next time that i was home alone, i went through all of her stuff and i couldnt find it so i started to think that maybe that women threw it away. The next day that i was completely alone, not even my brother was home, i put my thinking skill to the test. "She's my mum so she has to be some what like me. So think of where you would hide your journal and mum probably did the same."

...she did...

She threw it up on top of all her clothes on the top shelf in her closet. i was soo pumped and cocky about finding that journal that i actually made sure that my best friends new that i found it!

Well, just saying. I cannot wait until she goes to get that journal and read as a scary bedtime story again and all she feels is clothes at the top of her closet. What a freakin tit. :P

And so since then ive been grounded from pretty much everything, she even grounded me from skating for a day or 2. sooo, that's why i havent posted in a while. So i just post at school from now on. :)

But ANYWAYS!! On a lighter note, well since i got in trouble, its been like a survelannce on my eating so...i just ate about 700 cals a day. but i spread out my meals within 6 times a day. i actually lost weight but i still just felt disgusting cause i could purge or anything with my mum being wacko and all.

So on monday i started again (purging) so i for the most part feel better. There has also been too much emotional toying going and i just couldnt handle eating normally and forcing my self to be happy with it so i knew that going back to bulimia would make me lose weight and be happy.

BULIMIC AGAIN!! YAYS!!

also it was real hard to fight off bulimia with all the drama that has been going on between me and my best friends Kate and Dan...I don't think dan cares anymore if i am bulimic or not, at the moment its kindof hard to really know if he even cares if im alive,...and kate is sooo perfectly skinny, i just honestly want to cry eveytime that i see her, i feel soo fat around her. that mostly why we all aren't getting along that well, because when i lose weight she is still so gorgeously thin and then i look fat again. So i get all upset and want to throw up or even at least have a dry gag to assure me that there is nothing else inside me and there is nothing else i can do, i just have to be patient. so almost anytime im around her, i get pissy and grumpy and we dont get along that well. but i mean she still is my best friend and all but somedays i just can't eat or be happy because of her simple natural build: thin.

mmmmmmmmm...
ok well my fingers are sore from writing a letter to kate 1st and 2nd pd today, and really ive been typing all period, 3rd.

TTYL. GET SKINNY LOVELIES!!!
-lemmi mia <3



MY AWESOME FRIEND KERRIE SAYS: "Hi"

Breakfast:
Coffee - 50cal

Lunch:
Lettuce soak in peppercini juice - 25cal

Dinner/Dessert:
1/2 a can of chocolate slimfast - 95cal

Total:
170cal

Sorry that i havent said much in the past week. its finals week at school...(need i say more)
ive also been having a lot of trouble fighting cravings...so its been like a total binge for about the last 3 days... :P

and..
my boyfriend broke up with me yesturday, using,the oh so unoriginal line, "I think we're better off just being friends.." so now im sucky single, fat and lazy.

i havent run in about a week, but i think maybe i might be able to run this weekend a bit..maybe.

Hey, if anyone needs someone to vent to or talk to, im here, so just send me a message or post. i'll be starting an abc diet in a couple weeks...ill get the date exact next post.. (i planned out the diet so that it ends exactly on march 31st) so ill get the date for you asap.

get skinny lovelies,
<3 Lem Mia

I found this gift card in my room when I was cleaning it the other day. It was a borders books gift card for about 16.50. I went online and ordered, you'll never guess,...
a 900 pg. pocket calories counter. 8'

I haven't got it in the mail, but maybe itll help me jump out of slump of nibbling. granted im still lower then my HW: 145 (I'm at 120) but im stuck, and not losing any weight and im scared stiff to gain any, but i cant stop eating.

i need thinspo and motivation, if anyone has anything helpful, could you post? Im soo scared to gain a pound.. :(

Love all you skinnies, get thin,

<3 Lemmi Mia

All of my friends say stuff jokingly to me, it sucks, like, i run a lot and if i pass a friend on the trail, they'll yell, "run fatty, run!!" or "keep on running, your still fat!!"...DO take that stuff seriously and use it as real life, personal thinspo. And if you apply those comments to your diet and fasting, then one day you'll here them say, "woah, your really thin." :) And then you can smile, say "thanks", and go home and starve even more!!

Get skinny chickies!! This is YOUR year to get thin. Make people "oh wow" your thinness!!

<3 Lemmi Mia

has anyone seen the comercial from that slimquick drink mix? it looks like itll work really well.

how is everyone's new year going? i hope its not going as bad as mine.
I'm around my family 24/7 which in turn means that i can't purge at all and i can't fast at all...
They are getting on my nerves soo much, i dont know what to do. :P

i think im going to start taking pics and loading them up daily, so maybe you guys can judge my progress, ill load up later today. Please comment on em.

Get skinny chickies,
<3 Lem Mia

does anyone here know anything about that diet pill, "Alli"?

i saw in riteaid the other day and kindof wanted to try it but i didnt know if you had to be 18 or older to buy it.

It looks cool, and i bet it would work really well especially if i dont eat at all.

If anyone knows anything about it, please post. thanks.

HAPPY NEW YEAR LOVELIES!! GET SKINNY!! THIS IS YOUR YEAR!!!

<3 Lemmi Mia
 

Ok.. So say that i actually make it through the ABC diet, what do i do after it? Fast for good? Does anyone know?

Get skinny chickies!! Its your year!!

<3 Lemmi Mia

Does anyone else have trouble reading books, staying focused, or following tv shows? I do because i read or hear trigger words that set my mind off thinking about anorexia and bulimia. Like, ill be reading a book then suddenly ill read "slender" or "food" and i completely go off thinking about my ED..

its soo weird.

<3 Lemmi Mia

uhh. im fat.

i almost got caught purging today. my dad came home like 5 hrs early and thank god i let the radio and shower run when i was doing it.

i bought some cool pjs on oldnavy.com and i got some skinny long janes from ae.com.

i cut. does anyone else here cut because of their ED? I really need someone to talk to. my best friend is acting weird and it feels like he's abondoning me for his girlfriend... I need some one to talk to, i lost all reason to live anymore, im fat, my friends are leaving me, i let myself down when i give into cravings...

I am planning on starting the new year well by just not eating at all until i can start the abc diet, but these next three days are seeming like their going to be hell.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

LOVE YOU SKINNIES!!!!

<3 LEMMI MIA

Im kind-of pumped for new years eve because i always spend it at my best friends house but last year i was in ohio so i couldnt go. But anyways, i dated her brother's friend, in march this year, and he always goes to their parties, and now that we're broken up, there is kinda that kind of show-offy attitude toward eachother.

When i broke up with him, in July this year, i told him that i had trouble staying steady with a relationship because i have "Weight and eating problems and im uncomfortable with how i look." But he was being a dumb guy and didnt pick up that i have an eating disorder. he just said that "everyone has issuse." He definately doesnt not understand what it is like to have an eating disorder...am i right? No one knows unless they've experienced it! Its bitter-sweet-heaven-hell.

Anyways!,...Im skinnier than what i was when i broke up with him, i think exactly 15lbs!! ;D And im going to wear my super-skinny jeans and a short-loose T-shirt, so that when i lay on my back he can see my jutting HIP BONES!! YAY!

Itll be such a slap in the face for him!! HAHA! Im soo pumped to be super sexy all night, get smashed, look lovely, and make him jealous! I love getting skinny, it makes bulimia and anorexia completely worth it! No doubt!

Get Your Resolutions Set to get SKINNY LOVELIES!!! Rock this New Year! We're gunna get THIN!

<3 Lemmi Mia

uhhh.. i feel like everyday im setting my self up for failure. its like a habit, starve all day and binge once i get home.i dont stand a chance at fighting it off. no matter what i do..

does anyone else wake up everymorning wondering "Can i make it through the day with out eating? or will i binge and purge?" and then just find a reason to eat when their are 1000/1 reasons why NOT to eat..?

well, i figured out that they cant make me eat after dinner tom.. ill just pick at dinner today then pick a little at dinner tom and eat nothing else...

I havent been feeling the greatest in the past few days and i believe that its from actually EATing. But anyways, when im sick i dont eat as much, and my parents dont fully monitor my eating like they usually do, so this is great to finish off the year..

Im going to finish my dress fast starting tom (with the exception of picking at dinner). Im hanging out with my boyfriend on friday for a little then going shopping with my mum.

My mum has been pretty cool about my eating since my big incident where she accused me of being anorexic... (long story ill tell later) just as long as she sees me grab an orange or an apple here and there, she's fine. (but the thing she doesnt know is that i just either throw the food away or give it to a friend for lunch the next day...)

Im really pumped for this year. i feel like its going to be a great year! i really think that i can reach my UGW this year with in a couple months. :)

Get Skinny Lovelies!!

<3 Lemmi Mia

My New Years Resolutions/PLANS:

1. Get Boney Beautiful! (Of Course)
2. Reach BMI: LOWER than 17.
3. Waist Smaller than 26inches.
4. Size 0 or 00 jeans. :)
5. Weight: 95 or LOWER!
6. I want to fit my BRACELETS over my ELBOW and have them rest loosely on my UPPER ARM! ;)
7. Be able to count my chest ribs!
8. Be skinnier than ALL of my friends.
9. Not be admitted into the hospital AT ALL this year.
10. NOT GET CAUGHT!!!

..and land all my double jumps and some triples in figure skating..

Lemmi Mia <3
Love you all. Tell me about your resolutions and plans for the new year!! Let's make it the best we've ever had!

Hey! I think we should all go out and just get cheap calendars and count our calories, weight, BMI and measurements on them.

I got one from the National Conservatory, and i already plotted out the ABC diet on to it. I plan on carrying it around with me in my purse and such but I really plan on staying on track this year.

Its going to be my last year in high school and i want to be fantastically skinny!

Lemmi Mia <3

Well, i had a 2 hour delay from school today. sadly i get a 2 hr delay the day i actually force myself out of bed at 5 AM. of course, i went running but i sadly could only get in a burned 100 cals worth (0.8mi). I felt horrible for just giving up.

Then i get a shower, go upstairs and my mum tells me that i have a 2 hr delay. She told me to make some coffee...

Yeah, i ended up drinking a 1/2 cup and now i just feel like a bucket of crap. I feel soo fat. I can hardly believe that i even drank it.

BUT! even though, it only 7:30, i was already fighting off my cravings. Yesturday my mum made fresh baked bread, omg. it smelled soo wonderful but i held back, and when i went into the kitchen this morning, i saw the loaf and imagined me putting it in the microwave, warming it up then sticking a fat knife of butter on it. but i just walked away. it felt AWESOME!! :)

I think the im going to take one of my mum all natural craving control pills just so that i can get through this afternoon. im trying to so positive. im trying not to think like, "I hope i can make it through today." more like, "Im GOING to make it through the day!!"

Get skinny. Not eating over the holidays unless its a family dinner, (then small portions)!! Lots and lots of exercise!! Dancing to music is fun and its a way to exercise if you dont like running.

<3 Lemmi Mia

"Is it possible to truely enjoy power?...I stopped eating so everyone had to do what i said."

-Cassie (Skins)

I believe that she is completely lovely and absolutely correct. I started bulimia and when my friends found out i did it, they had to go wobble-knee'd when i threatened to "start bulimia again" (even though i never truely stopped.)

And now, they will do what i want to "keep me eating" (even though i never stopped fasting).

<3 Lemmi Mia

its 6:07 and i am at -125 calories for the day and i'm not even done running for the day. I'm not even hungry.

Well, i spent about the whole day watchin "Skins" on BBCAmerica. Cassie is my favorite person in the whole world. It was lovely.

Well chickies, dont binge over christmas break. Be the only person you know to go back to work or school skinnier than when you left. :)

My "Snowflake Dress Fast" is going fantastic!

Lemmi Mia <3

One thing that i do when i really feel like binging or eating high-caloric foods:

Take a little bit of everything and anything that you would eat too much of, like:

-2 tortilla chips - 10 cals
-1 spoonfull of pudding - 10 cals
-A Pinch of cheese - 5-20 cals (depending on cheese)
-Take a cookie, break a piece off, then throw the rest away so you wont eat too much - 10-20 cals

You get the idea. Just take little bits, EAT THEM SLOW with a lot of WATER and 1. you wont eat too many calories, and they wont be hard to burn off and 2. you get to eat everything. :)

Get Skinny Lovelies,
Lemmi Mia <3

So yesturday, there was this kid at my school that ive never talked to and he was talking about me with one of my friends sitting right by him, (not realizing that they were my friend) and said, "who would want to be friends with her?" My friend told me about what they said and all i could think about was that this kid thinks im a fat cow and no one wants to be friends with a fat person. (by the way, this kid that was talking about me is super skinny) Which it is true that no one wants to be friends with a fat person unless they are losing weight. and granted, i knew that i am fat but when someone that i dont know talks about me, it hits me pretty hard and i couldnt stop crying last night. I was soo mad that i was going through what i went through in seventh grade that made me bulimic in the first place.

BUT!! this was exactly what i needed to get thin again. I went all through today with out a though or inkling of wanting to eat because i was soo disgusted with my body. i lost 2 lbs!!
:)

5'5"

CW: 138
GW1: 120
GW2: 105
UW: 95-90

Get skinny lovelies, ttyl

Lemmi Mia <3

Remember: Don't Eat What You Can Purge!! :)